The touch

       James walked into the office building nervously. He was excited and scared at the same time. This was an essential beginning of his life in more than one way. His hands touched the sidewall, and his steps were calculated. After all, it was difficult to let go of his childhood habits. He blinked his eyes multiple times in awe. He was amazed by everything he saw. And more importantly, he was grateful that he could see. I need to report to human resources; he nervously told the security guard. The man looked at him, quizzically. James began to wonder if it was a pranked. He could not believe that he got the job as a sales representative in a decent firm. This was his first job and second chance in life. He did not have the slightest clue that this look kept away people without appointments and other trespassers. He did not know this fierce-looking man was, in fact, a softie at heart. I am a new joinee, James spurted out before the man could ask the next question. 

     The man grinned and welcomed him with a warm smile. James relaxed and pressed the lift button. As the door opened to the office, he was frozen on the spot. He had always imagined the look of an office, but he was not prepared by reality. Can I help you? A person rushing to his seat asked him. HR office, he muttered in his breath. The person pointed to the cabin, and he almost bumped into a girl on his way. Careful, the girl almost shouted. She did not have time or energy to deal with this drama; she thought to herself. She had more significant concerns at heart. Sorry, panicked James and apologised for his clumsiness. She waved her hand and moved past him. The management has increased the target again. She did not have the resources to achieve it. Their justification for adding another resource did not console her fears. How can a fresher help the team, she wondered? 

   

     Something else happened that she could not explain. She instinctively turned her head to see the guy who she just hit. Though she knew it was her mistake, she proudly ignored his apology. James walked into the office and introduced himself. The manager offered his hand and James started feeling it longer than a normal handshake. The HR guy controlled the urge to pull his hands, but his discomfort registered on the new employee. I am sorry, he apologised. It is tough to let go of this habit, he explained. The realised dawned on the manager, and he reassured James that it was fine. The introductions began, and James wi

thheld from shaking anyone’s hand. The manager said that people would understand, but that did not convince James. The final stop was the sales team. The sales head was a kind person who welcomed him to the team. The rest of the team showed mixed emotions. He knew that people would be sceptical to accept a stranger. Where is Emma? The manager asked. She is the assistant manager in the team, someone clarified. Who is asking about me?

     A voice echoed in the office. The girl bumped into him in the hallway. The girl who made his heart jump and also showed her hatred at first sight. This is James, the trainee, the manager introduced and her reaction changed. She held out her hand and James could not resist it. He took her hand and started feeling it. It was warm and soft. She pulled the hand back with force. What was creep, she thought to herself. The training began, and so did their friction. She thought he was a creep who felt the hands of all girls. Somehow it did not register in her mind that he did that to all people. She did not realise that it was jealously that fuelled the anger. He could not stop thinking about her, and she always reminded him of a happier time. She reminded James of his childhood friend. 

   The person who truly knew him and never judged or pitied him. She challenged him to a better person. She completed him, but as fate would have it, she disappeared like a mirage. The cold war between James and Emma was not news to the team. They knew about it and yet managed to stay away. However, that did not stop themselves from teasing them. How else was the sales team meant to relieve their stress? Though they were wary of James due to this weird handshaking, he grew on them. He was good at his job, and that slowly made him a part of the team. Emma was the only one who saw behind the cheerful smile. His habit of touching things and people made her suspicious. However, something else bothered her. It was his manner of speaking. She swore that she never heard his voice before. But his style of sentence formation reminded her of a different time. 

   They could not find a truce. He did not want to tell the truth, and she did not want to have heartbreak again. But life had other plans for both of them. What goes around always comes around. What started with a touch came to a standstill with a dialogue. It was just another day in the office, and the team was busy meeting clients. It was the first week that James was meeting clients without the presence of an experienced member. However, the rope was short, and they took turns to monitor his performance from a distance. It was Emma’s turn, and she watched him hold the client’s hand longer than necessary. A firm handshake tells a lot about the person and the product. This was one of the first things they taught to a sales executive. She felt like she could sense the client’s discomfort from her viewing place. 

    She called James for a performance review session. He was nervous because he felt that her opinion mattered. Emma did not wait to get to the point. Cant, you keep your hands to yourself, she thundered. Why do you have to make people uncomfortable with your touch? The words sounded harsher than she realised. She saw his head hang low and could almost feel his pain. She realised her tone and yet could not back up now. Answer me now, she asked again. If I don’t touch, how will I know them, he responded in a meek voice. The words sent chills down her spine. It has been over eight years since she last saw those words. Yet she remembered this like it is was yesterday. She missed him a lot and did not know how to reconnect with him. Her mind flashed back to those days. She has just turned 18, and her parents bought her a new computer. Internet amazed her, and she spent too much time in it. She enrolled herself in a chat platform, and that is where she met him. She did not know his name and called him J. They spoke for months, and he was her first love. He told her that he was blind and yearned to see the world. She was curious and asked him as a lot of questions about his disability. In hindsight, they might have hurt him. But he said that he liked that quality about her.

    People always pitied him, but she treated him like an equal. He often typed those words when they spoke about recognising her and other people. Her computer crashed one day, and the site was closed down in the same period. They did not exchange numbers or any additional information. They assumed that the portal would stay forever. It crashed, and so did her dreams. She did not know his name, so could not find him with the advanced technology. She sent multiple emails to the admin and received no response. It is a habit; I will try to avoid it; his voice broke her thoughts. His eyes reflected the pain inflicted by her words. She wanted to apologise yet something stopped her. Wait, she said. How do you know that line? She asked. Her brain told that it was a combination of words, and anyone could say it. What? He clarified. What did you say about touch? She prompted. He did not want to share his secret, so just said, I am telling this almost all through my life. It is a habit, he added.

    I have heard this before, she said. That did not do the trick, and he continued to look at her. Have we met before, he asked. I don’t remember seeing you. Have you seen me? She queried. He did not know how to respond to that. Emma felt the sudden urge to tell about J. The words poured out before she could stop them. I had a friend named J. He used to tell these lines a lot. But, she began but stopped. She noticed the tears in my eyes. Did she hurt him a lot with her words? Should she apologise? She wondered. Are you Em? He asked. How do you know that? She blurted. I am J, and yes I used to be blind, he said in an emotion-filled tone. How, What, the list of questions and explanation began, and so did their relationship.