Me and my thoughts

Dear God, This is for you I am scared that you may feel offended If I tell you how I feel But given that , you know it already I am writing this I am sorry if I am wrong Which I am generally I trust you and only you I hope you know it I can feel your presence at most times Sometimes I feel very lonely And left out I feel lost and hopeless I know you have plans for me Just that I feel clueless at most times I don't know which direction to go I sometimes need a hand to hold And a shoulder to cry And I just don't feel you I don't know what to ask you Because I don't know what I need Please help me Or please take me with you At least to hell

She is the one sitting next to you She is the one who laughs at the stupidest jokes She is the one who stares vaguely at a real joke She is the one who smiles when her eye cries She is the one who suddenly becomes silent She might not be pretty enough for you to notice her She might not be smart enough She might not be nothing either She yearns for a honest smile And for a comforting hand Yet she is an expert in hiding her disappointment She just fades away over a point of time You  can change it though Make her smile for real

I don't remember you anymore Just that I am not able to forget you I don't think of you anymore Just that I have stopped thinking I dont miss you that much Just that the world seemed to have stopped You don't have a place in my heart Just that the place is empty Its not that you are not replaceable Just that may no one fits your place I try to escape your venom Just that it seems impossible

I did not realise how true those words were Until I saw it Every time I come to see you Magically my mind stops tinking And all my sorrows disappear I feel the warmth inside me And harmony spread over me The place is cold But that does not affect me Nor anyone around me You make my worries go away And fill me with peace and happiness I just wish I can stay here And enjoy the comfort Adoration chapel A place where god comforts

I suddenly realized that I don't hate hospitals anymore I realized doctors were not my enemies Going to a hospital daily seemed a natural thing to do I stopped grumbling at nurses I was surprised and shocked 365 days ago When I first stepped into a hospital I had no clue what I was going to do I still don't have y a clue I was excited also Now the excitement has gradually subsided And has changed into responsibility My team might not agree though Everyday was new Everyday was different Changes were constant Some times changes was life changing Yet we managed to pull through it Thanks to my team Every small approval caused a lot of joy The reality was hurting at times Sometimes everything was like a mirage Still I managed to handle it With challenges everyday But with happiness and pride That I have successfully completed 365 days I move on

Pouring into earth Water from heaven But honey to the earth The sight of her causes joy To the young and old And also to the tot and toddlers Its quite some time Since you have come You sight fills everyone with happiness Everywhere is green with greenery The touch of you makes me happy You make my sorrow flow out With the same speed you flow You make me watch you without battling a eye Which I will do Till my last sleep

I am in confusion as usual I wana get over it I actually dont like him anyway He does not affect me the way he used to Somewhere along the line, I got over him Still I am not able to actuallyleave him completely Its more of a habit now I realised his msgs nor his avoidance matters anymore I am happy now Still I wana end it completely I dont wana have any strings attached I am just worried that my heart will go crazy again May be resisting is difficult And he is not good for him Yet still my heart yearns Maybe a Little space might help Hopefully..

We are just rambling About technology, trends and more We are talking about our First mobile experience I realised the gap between the relationship No, This is not a classic whining write up It may be a little boring though The tots now are mobile pros And I did not even know the spelling when I was one The advancement in technology is so huge and tremendous And it is a little scary also We watsapp , chat , ping, comment, like and what not We are constantly available connected in the virtual world The world has become a really small world And Google is our best friend Anything from a restaurant to recipe Tips , Advice and almost everything Expect Life's important questions, Of course Still Everyone are near but far The warmth of our childhood is certainly missing The technology growth have reduced the many small joys of life There are many things which we have missed out In the face of technology Letters, toffees on the street, the fairs These things are st

Not Movies are interesting Especially when u don't understand it Being a movie freak I watch all languages Of course with subtitles This movie was one of the many movies like have And it was on long due So I decided to watch it The wiki version seemed fun And so was the movie The story line was real It depicted the insecurities and wishes of not one But five individuals The best part was It was neat Not a minute was boring Aju with his past nightmare and biking Kuttan with his nativity love and future dreams Divya with her MBA and marriage The movie had a touch of humor, love , loss and more Overall A good movie

Hey sweet heart You love me so much That you don't leave me easily You come into me at the smallest opportunity You capture me into your wings You make my breath to stop You irritate me to death You hold on to me As if its your last day on earth You make me call Jesus many times a day Ya you make me pious You actually grow on me You make me feel that I am cheating you If I take a medication Or that the reason I claim to stay with you Be it whatever reason you come You leave at your own pace Sometimes you spread your goodness I wish I could escape you Still it does not seem possible With sneeze and cough You stay behind Cold, common cold

When I first met you I thought you were the sweetest person on earth I thought you were smart and  handsome I wished that I would become your world The irony is You said you felt the same about me I was too naive to Understand the truth and lies of it I felt we were meant to be together Your words made it easier to believe Your sweet nothing words made me smile Your small silences made me cry When reality intervened You made me question everything You taught me a lot of things Yet the fees for it was tears I have invested my time and energy Just to be with you And in the dreams of our life together Smaller fights became wars And slowly the bond became weak Wear and tear destroys anything So did the relationship I sacrificed too many things for you And I don't even have a track of it Guilty took over love And the fear of being alone inclusive These drove us into a meaningless relationship We tried working else out But the magic had died I just could not

Its been more than many days Many days have flown by Many nights have walked by There were many Minutes which looked like mountains Many seconds of distress Still I managed to survive Yet something which is fascinating Something which surprises me Is that The intensity of the pain has not reduced Even by a inch Maybe the minutes have reduced Still the pain is the same You still have the ability To make my heart stop When I think of you

O Mother, I am loss of words When I want to write about you Whenever I look at you You make me feel so loved Your eyes are always filled with care For me And for the whole city You hold us tight And save us night and day You create miracles in a wink You shower us with affection And guard us always O Mother Pray for us

I look around for a tree to hold I fly as far as my strength could take me I sometimes see a mirage And travel , just to realise its false I  get hurt And break into pieces Still try and try To find a hold in it Something to hold on And something which will hold me Sometimes I get the feeling that this is the one Only to die again And start searching all over again Maybe the search will continue Till I find a hold Or till my last breath I would keep floating and drifting Till then

Who is she She may not be your mother She may not be your sister She may not be your anything But does that mean you can hurt her Just because you are stronger than her Just because she is weak to resist you Does that mean you can hurt her Just because she is a woman Does not give you the right to hurt her She maybe delicate She may look weak Does not give you the right to hurt her Just because she is beautiful Does not mean she is insensitive Does not mean she does not get hurt She may not be your responsibility But that does not mean you can be A silent spectator to her suffering If every man on earth remembers that he is a man And that does mean to protect women From so called jerks and People not fit to be called humans or men Then we can stop violence against women Whoever she is Lets protect it

I know you are not the smartest person on earth I know you are not the sweetest person on earth I know that I dont even know you I know there was nothing great between us I know we were not meant to be I know we did not spend time together I know that there is something good behind this I know that God has a plan I know that it might be better for me My brain knows all this Just that my heart wont listen And I cant get over you

 I started the journey with a lot of dreams And plans of my own But nature had it own plans Every step I took had a thorn in its path Every smile turned to tear Every moment was filled with sadness Nature gave a lot of things Yet took away the many factors of my life Sometimes Its very suffocating And sometimes its dark The journey took many paths Now I have reached a point Where the path leads nowhere And I have nowhere to go I have a bag of memories And The journey is still And I am out of dreams

She is really alluring Many times she tries to trap me Into a web of peacefulness I spend some time Imaging her warmth She gives me a sense of security She gives a hold Yes I dont know her I have just heard about her Still she does not scare I pray for her to come There are some strings which hold me Which stop me from reaching out to her But the strings are getting weaker i might need a permission or two But she seems to be a refuge And I cant wait to let her embrace me She is The Eternal Sleep

What does it take to be a XX Chromosome Factor Is it by genetic reason Is it by birth Is it due to physical reactions Or is there any thing beyond that I really believe that there is something beyond that By nature , The argument is Whether XY and XX are equal Maybe they are not Maybe they are But XX are always said to be greater But Physical strength yes But a few factors yes But are they always greater May be May not be But what does it take to be XX Is it not the responsibility Is it not the ability to withstand pressure Is it not the ability to respect women Is it not the ability to  create small magic Is it not the ability to bring a smile Or is it just by genetic reasons What does it take to be a XX Chromosome Factor

What do you do When you have a problem in life Cry for it Pray for it Share it with your friends They maybe be sympathetic And console you Sometimes they maybe indifferent When you have a success in life What do you do Laugh, Pray and Share A friend however close will listen To your happiness over a hundred times Even if it boring and repetetive But sorrow after a point of time Brings boredom to the listener People care for you But still sorrow becomes boring beyond a point And it also has to let out And when it reaches beyond a point Tears are the only way to let it out It is not fully dependent on anyone And it can be your true friend

I see a lot of activity around me Just that I dont feel a part of it I try to be a part of it I laugh with them It sounds hollow to my own years I try to talk Just that it is very meaningless I try to be happy I try different means Even chocolate does not interest me anymore Maybe I am too exhausted to even cry And I feel just lonely and sad

Hey Rain I really like you I have admired you I have seen you ruthless You have caused floods Brought traffic to a still Caused trees to fall Given holiday to schools You really do a lot of things Can you do something for me Can you please wash away my memories The memories which kill me And make my life miserable Hey Rain Can you do it

I know that i should not think about you Just that My heart would not listen I know that I should move on Just that My heart would not listen I know that I have to stop writing about you Just that My heart would not listen I know that you are not good for me Both emotionally and physically Just that My heart would not listen I know that I might have a better future Just that My heart would not listen I know that God has plans for me Just that My heart would not listen I know that there is no future for me Not even a hour together Just that My heart would not listen I just wish that my heart would just listen And stop thinking about you

Some words are sharper than swords They pierce you Rip your heart And leave behind ugly scars The person who utters it Sometimes might not even mean it But it breaks The trust And leaves behind anger and distrust Some words are sweet as honey They soothe your heart Heal your wounds But Sometimes the person who utters it Might not even mean it And when you realize the truth It hurts you like hell Words are powerful than anything else Be careful when uttering them Every word uttered can cause a impact It is a venom coated weapon

You taught me to survive alone From dawn to dusk You made me live life You taught me patience You taught me endurance You made me a better human You were my source of Independence Right from the bathroom rushes in the morning To the numerous breakfast skips To the huge breakfast options The hostel food I hated The sometimes food we craved for The street food we survived on Simple, tasty and really not that healthy We still managed The amount I spent in you In really less I used mostly for sleeping You gave me sisters You gave me aunts You expanded my relationship circle You made me sweat You made me cry Yet every moment was unique Every moment was precious I dont get the feeling you are not my home Till i pay for the stay I did not even know that I miss you Till I vacated you

I can't understand my feeling I am not happy nor sad I am not able to smile nor cry I don't feel better nor worse i don't even feel lik crying Because tears is out of stock Just a little drained A little exhausted A little cheated A little lonely A little curious A little insecure A little deprived A little numb A little leftout Maybe my self confidence Hav left me Maybe Som oxygen of my life Because I have difficulty breathing Maybe anything which I am not sure I am just not me Maybe I don't know the real me And I am confused

60 years of life together Many fights together Many silent moments together Day in and day out I did not ask for your company I did not ask for your shoulder Whenever I felt down I did not ask for your hand Whenever I needed to walk I did not ask anything much Because I know it was not possible I just asked for 24 hours To just know you better Just a walk to hold your hands Just a moment to depend on your shoulders Just a small reason to fight with you And no reason to make up I would Hav given my life For that 24 hours It just did not happen And I have a lifetime To miss you

Maybe It was not meant to be Maybe it should not Have started Maybe it should have grown Maybe if I was lucky Things would Have been different Maybe I should Have loved you less Then the pain would Have left Maybe u never liked me And I did not notice it Maybe whatever I should let it out through tears Then I might feel better And forget you faster But I just feel numb And insecure And deserted And alone Maybe my heart will listen to my brain And this feeling will go away

Whenever I see a alphabet related to your name I remember you Is it my mistake that your name has 9 alphabets Whenever I see a related number I remember you Is it my mistake that most numbers resemble yours Whenever I get a message alert I remember you Is it my mistake that i get 700 messages per day Whenever I try to sleep I remember you Whenever I travel , whether far or near I remember you Whenever I see the rain Whenever It is hot Is it my mistake that it does not snow here I remember you Whenever I am alone And whenever my thoughts run out Is it my mistake that i am alone most of the time I dont remember you always But you invade my memories most of the time I am generally forgetfull But you are an expection And I remember you

Who am I Am I my mother's daughter Am I a sister Am I a friend Am I a cousin Am I a niece Am I a neighbor Am I a employee Am I a colleague Am I anything Yes I am a part of all But I am me Is it tat big a mistake To be me Or think about being me Is it wrong To have my own likes and dislikes Is it a sin To be me and have an identity

Sometimes people take you for granted Sometimes people just ignore your feelings Sometimes people just trample your heart Sometimes they think You are a their pet or something Its just a throw and catch game They forget you have a heart They forget you have emotions They might not do it on purpose But they forget that you have a life It comes as a surprise to them Sometimes a shock The sad part is this is not the worst If your loved one does this You feel hurt and alone If it is not your loved one We might not mind it at all If your loved one can't hurt you Then how does it feel All of a sudden you realise The person who u adored Has no control on you They might never realise this But you feel anger on both And a empty space It also hurts When your loved one Loses the power to hurt you

I know you are with me Its just that i cant feel you I know you wont forsake me Its just that I am in darkness I know you will be there for me Its just that I am feeling alone I know you can make miracles happen Its just that I am in need of one I know you have a plan for me Its just that I don’t have a purpose I honestly trust you Please don’t think I don’t Its just tat I am too exhausted to live Can I please die God?

I look around and find almost nothing The light is too bright to see I see people around me But I find it difficult to reach out I am in a middle of a crowd Still feel alone I hear the laughter around me I am not able to feel it My eyes yearns to let out my feeling But my tears have run out I move around trying to get a hold of life But find it slippery and cold I try to find a hold But i am unable to find it My hope of light diminishes As everyday passes by One day, When the light goes off And the darkness conquers me I might disappear into nothing

When we first met , we were strangers When we first spoke, we were trying to be friends Maybe even trying to impress each other Maybe even a little doubtful about each other Slowly the cloud disperses as the time grows And we grow closer Gradually you become a part of each other And sometimes even inseperable We become each other morning alarm Each other food and enegry Each other's breath Each other's smile Each other's tears Each other's pillow Each other's dreams Almost everything for each other And suddenly The magic bursts Leaving confusion and chaos behind Be it emotional or something Needles out there are many But the burst leaves behind the same feelings It makes us feel lost It makes us feel insecure It makes us feel alone It makes us feel negative It changes the perspective of the world It makes us feel drained It makes the world colourless We just return to be strangers But with a bond That can neither be broken nor bonded

It may not be right It may not be correct It may not be wrong either Atleast according to me If it is wrong Many simple and complicated things would become wrong Right from chocolates to croces Is one form of corruption Sometimes it becomes mandatory In some aspects of life When it goes a little beyond control It is said to be wrong But is it How do we draw a line When you give a child a chocolate  To get a work done It is called love When you money or something to someone To get a work done It is called corruption Where does this start The first day of our life for many The toys used to distract the baby To feed her food The gift promised to him To make him work harder Simple things starts the criteria We have reached a point Where everything happens for something This has been become a base criteria But it is not wrong It is just unavoidable It is too much into the system Setting a limit might be feasible This may seem heartless But that the way to keep the beast u

I dont know when you were born I dont know who caused your beginning I dont know the reason behind your birth I did not even know you before a year I never ever expected you to know you Nor to like you so much I never knew you will become so important to me or maybe us You were just like anyother thing in the beginning You were just a bunch of items put together I never understood the purpose Nor could decipher the meaning I felt like you were a tradition passed over to us We even forgot about you In the chaos of work You were just a part of the weekly report and the occasional joke There were times we thought you were never going to happen You were just a part of the multitude of papers Suddenly, one fine day You came to life With vigour and enegry When questions were raised about you We realized how clueless we were When deadlines were given We got into mindless and aimless working And managed to finish you on time Before we could breathe Came the biggest b

My greatest fear is not living alone It is dying alone People always just use me And I have had no one when i actually need someone I might or might not be economically stable But I will never be emotionally safe Physically I can handle But Mentally I will always be a wreck With a plastic smile always on my face And with a heart bleeding I will stay awake all night and day For death to embrace me The worst failure in my life Is not people ditching me Is not nature being against me Is not non availabily of anythinf Is not even loniliness Is giving up hope And meeting death before she comes to me Even then My greatest fear is not living alone It is dying alone

It is the most difficult thing on earth It is literally impossible It has the ability to seem as the easiest thing on earth Even when your heart breaks into pieces And you eyes run out of tears It might not be possible It has a mind of it own And no one on earth Has the strength to change it Nor force it to happen It does happen Even if not completely Atleast to a major extent It makes a mess of us And leaves night mares behind It is the gift of every broken relationship Even the angry and hurt Cant match it It is the only way to heal It teaches us a lesson Whether we follow it or not It is the only way to overcome a loss You have to just let it go It seems impossible But time makes it probable

 Imagine a road without Garbage Imagine a street without potholes Imagine a lane without grumbling people Who complain about dirty roads With every dustbin in place Imagine a beach with only sand and water and happy people Imagine a nation where every road, street,lane and doorstep is clean Cleaner than ever Cleaner than humanly possible Dust has become a part of our life It seems a little weird to imagine a life without it We grumble, complain Yet drop the wrapper in the middle of the road A tidy street always raises eyebrows Maybe we are too lazy to keep it clean Maybe its a part of our genetic makeup Maybe its a part of our life But It definitely useful To keep our nation clean It makes us proud for sure It has a 100 of reasons to do it Right from hygiene to Hitech But the major being it will make of us proud Of achieving something literally impossible Maybe its time to stop grumbling And takes things into our hands Or maybe to the dustbin Its time to st

You are special to me You are my sweet heart You are my enemy You were my heart beat You are my stress You taught me a lot of things You taught me to survive You taught me to stand up for me You made me cry You made me smile You understood my cravings You fought for me You bullied me You gave me confidence You helped me face the world You are a rarity You are a jerk You gave a lot of memories You gave me pain You made me feel good You held me tight when i wanted to leave And left me all of a sudden Missing you is one part You are too much into me To let it go easily I will be over you Like many others things But you are always a memory To make me cry and smile Maybe Its for the good And I am happy for you

Its time Good byes can always be difficult Its like losing a part of yourself The pain The disappointment The loniliness The angry The insecurities The numbness The long pauses The silence Is all too much to bear But in a way its good It is a necessary part of a relationship Every relationship cant last Most actually dont Every good thing has to come to an end And its time Good thing ends better with good byes Good bye. Yes I am sad I will miss you But I am Happy and Relieved

Why is it I am always Option B Why is it people always take me for granted Why is it people forgot I have a heart Why is it people just throw me away Without even a second thought Why is it I am so vulnerable Why is it I am so patient Why is it I am so clueless Why is it I am so unlucky Why is it People just use me And I allow it Why is it I am always meant to be alone Why is it I  dont feel a part of this place Why is it I trust ppl even after getting beaten up Why is it my heart always learns for love

You feel new to me Everytime you come You pierce me with your sharp stings And break my heart to shreds How come I dont become immune to you Nor any vaccination has been discovered yet You strike with the same intensity And leave at the same pace You have the ability to stop all Processes of life You sometimes a rarity Sometimes a gift You freeze my life And pause things around me  You are cruel Yet you are honest You leave great scars But help me heal Pain you Really Hurt

This is not possessiveness I am happy for you You may not believe it But I am really happy for you We dont have much in common But somehow we sink Enough to pull me into the deepest waters You seem to understand me at times Which noone ever has managed You are not my friend We are not in a relationship Sometimes you are like writing to me You are sometimes so dependent on me That I actually feel that you are my baby Maybe I am guilty to extent And grateful to some level We fight like dogs And hate each other so much You are reminder of my incompetence Maybe we did not try enough Or maybe we were not destined to be together I might not be able to lead a life with you You are not X I am not even sure if X exists But I am little doubtful of life without you You are the sweet trouble of my life Maybe CO2 is as important as O2 It hurts when you lie to me 6 years was too less to be honest to each other I dont have a name to our relationship I know and cant imag

Hey moon how do you manage to stay alone Even when there are so many stars around you How do handle the pain of loniliness Do u hide behind the clouds Just to hide your sorrow Alone seems to be a five letter word It might be a small word For those who know just the word It just a feeling But for those who experience it It makes a world  of difference  

Music has never interested me Ok Stop Staring  I am not a jerk Music has never stopped my thinking Or served as a source of thinking Maybe I have never listened to her She always has been helpful to escape some lonely walks I am not sure how much actually entered my mind However she has prevented the entry of other things Recently I have been forced To listen to her Somehow, The words made a great impact Compared to the tune But I realised that she is actually growing on me I find myself immersed in her at times And Not to hate the sight of her I might not been a music fanatic But I do think I am on my way to be a Music lover Yes I have a long way to go But Its a Important start for me

What is wrong in being a Audience She is also a Human Who breathes, eat and sleeps just like a Human There is no much physical difference Just that she is a little indifferent though She is almost a Human without emotions But when did this journey start , Like all , she got into the world web Initially she used to talk to people reguraly She used to know the things around her She used to sensitive to the environment She used to treat others as humans She used to feel guilty for things not under her control After entanglement in the web She started connecting with a number of friends Her circle expanded, Her friend list grew She started updating her life in it She began following others life in it Slowly and Gradually She became insensitive She became indifferent She entered the Like, comment Share Sometimes her world is reduced to 140 letters She is an Audience Now She being the world

What do we do when we see a mishap happening Do we try to help them Do we try to call help Do we feel for them Or Do we like and share What is happening to us Why have we changed from being human to mere spectators Why has our world shrunk from that big to our hands Of course we read papers and watch news But what actually impacts us most Is what we see in social media If something bad happens to someone in the world We just share it virally and aimlessly in the social world Maybe the few soft and angry ones may put a comment And forget about it when the next time is shared Nothing actually impacts us Nor affects us News spreads fast which is good Groups discuss about it, Which is better And forget about it faster, which is the best part We have changed into just a mere audience Every happening is just like a movie In this viral era

As i wait for you to run over me I know the pain you would cause But i am too numb to cry I think about our days together I remember the shared smiles And also the secret tears I remember your promises And also our failures The pain is too much to bear And I have nothing left to give I just keep staring for a change But I just hear silence around me

Every time I hold on to teddy I think its you I imagine that you speak you I imagine that you will hold on to me I imagine that you will be with me always I imagine that you are a strength to me I imagine a whole lot things about us And I wake up to realise That you are a part of my imagination