Me and my thoughts

  The shrill of silence pierced my heart I wish the pain would become familiar But it just hurts a little more Every time you stare nonchalantly I feel smaller and insignificant You brush my insecurities aside As if they don’t make sense I cannot blame it It does not make sense to me either I wish I was stronger to let it go I yearn to be indifferent But you seem to be the expert I try voicing out my pain It just reflects back to me The more I shout The lesser its heard I want a conversation To move forward and maybe closer But to refuse to communicate When I try to break your silence Your words rip me apart At this point, I don’t know which hurts me the most Your silence or your words

       James walked into the office building nervously. He was excited and scared at the same time. This was an essential beginning of his life in more than one way. His hands touched the sidewall, and his steps were calculated. After all, it was difficult to let go of his childhood habits. He blinked his eyes multiple times in awe. He was amazed by everything he saw. And more importantly, he was grateful that he could see. I need to report to human resources; he nervously told the security guard. The man looked at him, quizzically. James began to wonder if it was a pranked. He could not believe that he got the job as a sales representative in a decent firm. This was his first job and second chance in life. He did not have the slightest clue that this look kept away people without appointments and other trespassers. He did not know this fierce-looking man was, in fact, a softie at heart. I am a new joinee, James spurted out before the man could ask the ...

Swetha pressed the silent button for the seventh time. She sighed and looked at the number again. She just needed to compose her thoughts before answering the call. When the phone rang again, she clicked the auto message button. The reasons that were listed did not match her emotions. Everything was bland and general. She laughed to herself about the irony about how it matched her relationship. How did it get here? She wondered. Swetha, Swetha, Nisha’s voice broke her thoughts. Which world are you? She tugged her roughly. She looked at her friend without giving a reply. They were not in that kind of a relationship. They were office colleagues who worked together, had fun and yet did not share any personal information. Swetha wondered if she could put words to her emotions. She sensed something was wrong but did not know how to explain it. They walked to the canteen for their dose of caffeine. Coffee had the power to break the monotony of the day. They filled their glasses and moved to...

Life is not about days and years It is about moments Days come and go But moments stay forever They define our lives and character Some are happy, some are sad The emotion does not matter The moment does They are captured in our memory Like a photograph or a movie Sometimes, it seems like we forgot them But they are there somewhere I have captured every moment of us together Frozen deep inside me forever

The pain was bearable And I was ready It was not easy But I managed to beat it The world was now tolerable And every breath did not hurt anymore I sighed loudly The memories still haunted me But my nightmare was far and between I could look at the places without tears Just a sigh to remind me of the loss I have finally come to terms with it I was not a great achievement But I began healing

I read the message again I scrolled through the memories I knew I had to let it go But I was too weak for it My eyes were drained of tears Every place reminded me of a memory I wished for a miracle I could change it Maybe it was for the greater good But the pain seemed too much to bear I could not see past it I never understood the brighter side It was too cold and dark And my heart broke into pieces with every thought

I am cool with it, I proudly declared I do not matter, I told myself If it does not matter, why do keep saying it My inner voice demanded She is just a friend I trust our relationship I reassured myself without believing it I was a little insecure and worried Million of questions corroded me I was pulled me trust and anger I was too scared to talk about it Maybe it was the fear of losing him Or because I was afraid to speak aloud So, never did I agree, That I was possessive

I don't remember the real reason But I remember the pain The hours of agony and stress Contemplating and replaying the scene for the hundredth time The cause did not matter anymore I just wanted to finish it right away And summon the magic However, something stopped me Maybe the experience of my peers Perhaps the unnecessary google searches Maybe Because I did not jinx it I religiously waited for a message With eyes filled with hopes and tears And the smile returned to the phone beeped. 

There was water above the bridge I waddled through it carefully It was hot, warm and cold But it was nice An occasional fish caught my eyes Sometimes cool, sometimes dangerous But then, it was the perks of life I was breathing and suffocating Was it biologically possible? It was emotionally feasible Maybe it was the essence of life Sometimes I felt like sinking Somedays, I managed to afloat Then again, There was water above the bridge

Should I or Shouldn't I The force pulled me like a magnet I battled against gravity Fear and curiosity surged through me I even googled for answers Friends and Critics debated on my behalf Sometimes, I wished to given up The fear jostled my path I ran as fast I could As if I could outrun it The demon never seemed to give up The more I avoided it, the more it drew me towards it I almost lost it, Still Should I or Shouldn't I

I was falling, and I knew it was not gravity Nothing made sense anymore My heart and mind was not in sync And I could feel a cold war brewing And a warmth surged through me The contrast was alarming I blacked out in middle of conversation Into a world of bliss and happiness The eyes followed me everywhere And the aroma spread through me I wished I had control Then again, I wanted to let it go The bottom was nowhere to be found My heart told me it was worth it