Me and my thoughts

When i get up i wish he is by my side When i take my mobile i wish he has sent me a message When i get ready i wish he is there to motivate me When i decide the dress to wear i wish he is there to select it When i walk on the road i wish he is by my side When i see someone in the bike or car. I wish it was us When i travel by bus . I wish he is next to me When i am in office . I wish he calls me occasionally When i feel down. I wish he senses my mood When i come home in the evening . I wish he walks with me holding my hands jabbering sweet nothings When i sulk to eat . I wish he feeds me When i sleep in the night. I wish my pillow to be his lap When i watch a movie . I wish his hand holds me tight I wish all he says are true Finally i wish i didn 't wish all this As it won't come true and will remain a wish always

This world has thought me a lot of things by experience and exposure . I never trust the opposite as they don't have a heart. They have the capability to make you feel that you are the center of their world for one minute and completely ignore you the next minute. We actually lose a lot of energy and time figuring out this . And by that our hearts are completely out of control and it breaks. In general when someone uses sweet words i don't mind it. I am trained to be resistant to all this sugar coated drama. I am generally sensible enough and have grown up. But but all my years of training disappears when i am with him. They is a conflict of interest between my heart and brain. My brain reads his words as 'false total junk please do ignore'. But my heart yearns and wishes for those to be true. Maybe he sent the wrong message to me. I do it all the time . Or as a serial playboy these words are a part of his vocabulary . But this poison coated sweet words are actually kil...

As i wait for the most awaited bus. Its atlast arrived in slow motion . It managed to find a seat battling through the big crowd . I even got my favorite window seat. The bus started from mylapore. I switched on the radio and took my book out. Yes this one hour journey can be tiresome at times without proper precautions. As the bus started lots of people got in and out. I started looking at the already familiar surrounding . I keep looking at it. As if i am.not looking at it for the past one year. Everything times something is new about this place .maybe the new mobile panels in the mobile shop. Maybe the hot chips in the snacks shop. Maybe the expression of people standing on the roads. When i see the expression in the people face, i get the impression that the world is big really big. We all are technologically close and emotionally far. The world is smaller yet far. as the bus reaches adyar i am completely into my thoughts about the things i have , want and will have and suddenl...

Life has a saying that the more you try to get out of something, the more it pulls you into it. I have always believed in it but now i am experiencing it I have been trying my best to avoid this person. But he keeps calling me and speaks to me for one minute . He does this every five hours and disappear .i don't think he does that on purpose . Its just the fate testing me. I really hope its make me a better person.but the phase to reach to that is really painful . I have had lots of crushes in my life but this is different. It makes me feel exhausted . I think i will give up my entire life to live with him for a day. Any one knows any options to that.I am generally brave to solve whatever comes in this. But now i feel very week and tired. I wish he will go back to work soon . I will miss him badly but its much better than this constant reminder

I keep thinking of it over and over again till my eyes become dizzy . My brain keeps repeating the reasons in the hope that my heart Will listen. The two majors reasons are  i am not sure if i really need this even if i am crazy about him and the second major reason is he does not like me.The purpose of writing this is i need a outlet or i l really go mad.Everything msg he sends and everything word he talks triggers something within me. I know it is not love not even crush . I cannot name or identify this feeling . I have no idea of the past and no hope for the future. But still my heart pains and questions me. I don't have the courage to stop msging him nor stop it from affecting me. I know i am crazy but this is me and i cannot help.it I have a lot of reasons why this can't happen . The problem is cant stop from heart from thinking about him. I know we dont have any future or even traces of it.But still. I always like land up liking the guy who does not like me. This is makin...

As i look at you And try to figure out The message you try to convey You change the shape All shapes are interesting and unique Its conveys a message and its soothing I am mesmerized by your beauty And i can't stop looking at you You are exotic sky

In a tall big tower Where the walls are very high And its slippery too I searched for a grip I did not expect much Just something to hold one Something to motivate me To navigate and to find a way out For a small ray of light And a some air to breathe But the walls kept growing And so is the loneliness

I have a greatest enemy on this world.Someone who has been the cause of my trouble always Someone who has saved me at times too. I usually love it. But now i hate it .I really do.I have a holiday for Raksha Bandhan. Ok It is hilarious. I got up early that day and did not have much work to do.So i tracked my brothers long and far on Facebook and wished. More than Half of them did not bother replying which is another whole  new story.I was asking my friends and crushes what gift they would give me if tied rakhi for them. I was not really serious. So as fate would have it, My Crush asked me if i really mean it. I told him tat i asked my all friends. But he always knew when i create a scene and he also knew to handle it. Ok Dont tel him tat. So he asked me if i really feel like tying a rakhi to hiim. Now i had to tell a answer and told him "yes" . That why i hate my enemy. So he is getting me a gift and asked me for a rakhi. OMG I really dont know what to do now. My friends feel ...

I had my crush on this guy who was in my class in first standard. I moved schools and he went a class ahead of me. I have a impression that my crush was i my tuition for eight years and with whom i started talking recently . Now the thing is this guy is two years ahead of me. Now the golden question is this guy my crush and if not who was the guy who was wiped off from my memory . Not that i have a issue. Should i continue with him or not.

My first bundle of joy and hurt came packed in a cute little girl called sister. She is the person who i love and hurt the most.She is also the person who has hurted me a lot. She was born on 1992 and i felt so happy when i saw my aunt holding a tiny little baby.I hurt my foot on the way to see her. Call it timing or warning,She is one of a kind. The trouble came in the form of jealousy.Every new baby is the star of the family. That does not mean they hate the elder one. I only wish i had understood this much earlier.   I wish my parents were more sensitive to my feeling back then and less now. All for good. I grew in my own world of hurt and insecurities. I felt noone loved me. I became emotionally weak then and indifferent now.It did take some time to gain self confidence.I dont hold a grudge for anyone though i wish i did.I became different. Still i love and hate my sister a lot .But the hate now is not due to childhood traumas. It is much more

I was born on Feb 24,1987 in the evening. This is of my life from Feb 24,1987 to 92.I honestly dont remember most of it. Only a very few. I went to Johnson School for three years, it seems. I remember two instances of the whole three years. I was pampered according to sources.Maybe life was too good to be true. i have a feeling that those five years was the happiest days of my life . I walked late , was a very cute kid. I still wish i was that cute even now.I was very slow. Even now i am. 

I was reading a novel and the hero of the story suffers from selective amnesia and loses memory of only the heroine. Sounds a bell? . Yes this is a very typical similar state of my life. The only difference is I am not a Heroine and he is not my hero. But i really seem to like this person since i dont knw, maybe i dont remember. I remember he was in my class in kindergarten and he was in my tuition centre for about 6 - 7 years. It all started out of curiosity  and my ability to attract trouble of course. I was just thinking about my life and also about him. I just searched about him in Facebook and managed to find him too. After much thought I sent him a request. I was under the impression that he might have forgotten or might not even remember me. Of Course there is a difference between both.But the fate intervened and he accepted it.      We started chatting and he seemed to remember me.I felt happy that i was talking to him atlast after so many years. I knew he wo...