Me and my thoughts

Faith is one of the most complicated and straightforward aspects of life. Most of us have a love-hate relationship with hope, and it is not a smooth ride either. I have always wondered the real definition of faith. More than one person in my life has asked me to hold on to it. I have always wanted to ask them the ultimate meaning of it. Is it the belief in the higher power? Is it the belief that life has better plans for us? Is it the positivity and the urge for a happier future? Faith has a more significant meaning than the expectation of the greener pastures. It is not falling in the hopes of a safe landing. It is the belief that there is a reason behind our pain. It is the acceptance that our suffering is a part of a bigger picture. It is the belief that we cling on even there is no treasure. Every one of us is ridiculed with doubts and insecurities all through our lives. These hindrances do not signify our lack of faith and instead portray our need to justify our inner demons. We ...

You and I have a simple and a complicated relationship. You are pretty much the only standard element in my life. You have been with me through my ups and downs. You have been there for me even I have ignored you.  You answered me almost every time  I asked you something. You have also told me to stop worrying and give in to faith. However, I am troubled continuously in self-doubt and fear. Despite constant reassurances, I am unable to find peace. As much as keep fighting the darkness within me, it keeps pulling me deeper into it. Most days, I want to give up, you keep pulling me back from the ledge. At times, I wonder if I deserve so much love and care.  Still, you never let me go and keep telling to stay calm. Most times, I manage to keep floating and accept your plan. But then, I equally fail and give in to the pain.  And that’s when I know, that it’s not you, it’s me. I trust you with all I got. Still, the fight is getting bigger every day. 

Today marks the birthday of Jawaharlal Nehru and Children's day; I decided to use the occasion to write about someone I almost lost along the way. As a born depressed being, I always saw the world with tinted glasses. I have an innate feeling that there is a monster in every corner. Though I was not proved false in most cases, I did figure out my way of handling it. Through all these years, the primary thing which kept me sane was my craziness and the child in me. The person who found joy in a bar of chocolate and a drop of rain. The person whose creativity rose along with the shapes of the clouds. The person who secretly hoped for goodness at the other end of the road. Like all other things, life happened, and she could no longer handle the heat. The vacuum was too much for her that she suffocated on her regular basis. The worst part was that I did not realise that I was losing her until the last possible minute amidst the endless drama. Today, I strive hard to keep her breathing...

The person who claims to have not lied at all is the biggest liar of all. All of us have distorted the truth or have been a part of a lie at some point or the another. A lie is a short story we spin to hide reality. It brings out the creativity in every one of us, and we build unique worlds to protect ourself. Is it a way of protecting us from reality? Is it a way of helping us maintaining a predestined image? Is it a grave sin? Sometimes we twist the truth to be polite or go to an elaborate level to hide the fact. We forget some, while some keep haunting us. These fiction stories help us to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Looking back, they feel so meaningless and to some extent, funny. I have always wondered about whether if it is possible to live without telling a lie. I have always felt like asking people if they are willing to accept me for what I am. Right now, I don't think the world, at least mine is not ready for the weight of truth. It is possible or at least probable ...

Who knew darkness could be so serene? A dark cloudless sky devoid of stars Held so much power over me There was absolutely nothing Expect a looming emptiness We are always searching for a glimpse of light That we fail to relish the dark I wished I could steal some of the serenity And hide it deep inside me It would be a comfortable place A place with no fear or stress A fort where worry would not dare enter It is a hidden world Away from the scorching fire and engulfing heat The cold embraced me Even without the chilling winds A lone streetlight stood in the middle Struggling hard to compensate the sea of darkness Somehow it was a losing war The vast expanse of the sky Had a powerful pull to it It was mesmerising and soothing It wished I could lose myself in it And forgot my worries in the comforting darkness

 Every relationship, both professional and personal has an underlying factor which is not openly discussed. It is expected to be understood and considered to be part of the relationship description. Personal relationships suffer more from this communication gap compared to its counterpart. Most professional portfolio comes with its job description which almost details these requirements. However, the personal life is much more complicated than it. The relationship formula changes with each, and there are various factors involved in it. The primary reason for failure in a relationship is the inability to meet these expectations. A personal relationship is said to be selfless and beyond all anticipations. All of us directly or indirectly expect something out of these related groups. It does not matter the nature or type or gender or time. It could be simple as money or complicated as love. Sometimes we convey all the wrong expectation for the right reasons. However, the elephant alw...

And they lived happily ever after was one of the few quotes which instilled hopes and dreams in us. Most books we read or movies we see conclude their story in the same line. I was one of those people who firmly believed in its magic only to be hit by the power of reality. I have always questioned if there was a happily ever after was a phenomenon or a marketing concept. In real life, things work out a little differently. There is no notable end, and it is just a milestone. Every milestone marks the beginning of the next phase laden with its variety of traumas and troubles. Even death does not mark the end as afterlife seems to an exciting mystery. How do we also find this happily ever after? Is it relatively possible to attain that state in one lifetime? Or is it one of those unattainable dreams which keep us fighting? How do we find happiness? How do we balance life in the uncertainty of pain and disappointment?