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The Training


Once upon a time

Not so long ago

I believed in hell

I believed in the burning flame.

And the mighty vacuum

Today, I think I am ready

I have seen my share of pain

Maybe even more than people of my age

It has made me a stronger person

But it has also made me a sadder person

Every incident engulfs the life out of me

Maybe my will to live

I lose hope and find it hard to cling on to

I grasp everything

Just to hold a little while longer.

Every day , I hope that today is the day.

My luck will change

And I will finally free on the curse

I might  be happy

I might enjoy life

But it is just the same

It just worse

I am not sure how much more I should cry before things turn

What is my rock bottom?

I feel like a sinking hole with no bottom

Sometimes, when I have no energy to fight

I hide between mean things

Things I know are wrong

But the alternative is harder

And I just can't bear it

There is so much my heart can take

There is no place to break

Nor any place to patch up

A moral thought keeps me at bay

But I could feel it shrinking every moment

I pray that I have more hope

I misinterpret signs

I cheat myself that I am happy

I hid behind dramas to forget reality

I am running out of time

And even if go to hell

I would be way more experienced than most people

Maybe that is what I was trained for

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