Me and my thoughts

Faith is one of the most complicated and straightforward aspects of life. Most of us have a love-hate relationship with hope, and it is not a smooth ride either. I have always wondered the real definition of faith. More than one person in my life has asked me to hold on to it. I have always wanted to ask them the ultimate meaning of it. Is it the belief in the higher power? Is it the belief that life has better plans for us? Is it the positivity and the urge for a happier future? Faith has a more significant meaning than the expectation of the greener pastures. It is not falling in the hopes of a safe landing. It is the belief that there is a reason behind our pain. It is the acceptance that our suffering is a part of a bigger picture. It is the belief that we cling on even there is no treasure. Every one of us is ridiculed with doubts and insecurities all through our lives. These hindrances do not signify our lack of faith and instead portray our need to justify our inner demons. We ...

You and I have a simple and a complicated relationship. You are pretty much the only standard element in my life. You have been with me through my ups and downs. You have been there for me even I have ignored you.  You answered me almost every time  I asked you something. You have also told me to stop worrying and give in to faith. However, I am troubled continuously in self-doubt and fear. Despite constant reassurances, I am unable to find peace. As much as keep fighting the darkness within me, it keeps pulling me deeper into it. Most days, I want to give up, you keep pulling me back from the ledge. At times, I wonder if I deserve so much love and care.  Still, you never let me go and keep telling to stay calm. Most times, I manage to keep floating and accept your plan. But then, I equally fail and give in to the pain.  And that’s when I know, that it’s not you, it’s me. I trust you with all I got. Still, the fight is getting bigger every day. 

Today marks the birthday of Jawaharlal Nehru and Children's day; I decided to use the occasion to write about someone I almost lost along the way. As a born depressed being, I always saw the world with tinted glasses. I have an innate feeling that there is a monster in every corner. Though I was not proved false in most cases, I did figure out my way of handling it. Through all these years, the primary thing which kept me sane was my craziness and the child in me. The person who found joy in a bar of chocolate and a drop of rain. The person whose creativity rose along with the shapes of the clouds. The person who secretly hoped for goodness at the other end of the road. Like all other things, life happened, and she could no longer handle the heat. The vacuum was too much for her that she suffocated on her regular basis. The worst part was that I did not realise that I was losing her until the last possible minute amidst the endless drama. Today, I strive hard to keep her breathing...

The person who claims to have not lied at all is the biggest liar of all. All of us have distorted the truth or have been a part of a lie at some point or the another. A lie is a short story we spin to hide reality. It brings out the creativity in every one of us, and we build unique worlds to protect ourself. Is it a way of protecting us from reality? Is it a way of helping us maintaining a predestined image? Is it a grave sin? Sometimes we twist the truth to be polite or go to an elaborate level to hide the fact. We forget some, while some keep haunting us. These fiction stories help us to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Looking back, they feel so meaningless and to some extent, funny. I have always wondered about whether if it is possible to live without telling a lie. I have always felt like asking people if they are willing to accept me for what I am. Right now, I don't think the world, at least mine is not ready for the weight of truth. It is possible or at least probable ...